{"id":115932,"date":"2026-09-16T00:19:31","date_gmt":"2026-09-15T22:19:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/?p=115932"},"modified":"2026-09-15T12:51:17","modified_gmt":"2026-09-15T10:51:17","slug":"vylet-pana-broucka-do-xxi-stoleti-aneb-nasrat-na-svycarsko","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/2026\/09\/16\/vylet-pana-broucka-do-xxi-stoleti-aneb-nasrat-na-svycarsko\/","title":{"rendered":"V\u00fdlet pana Brou\u010dka do XXI. stolet\u00ed (aneb Nasrat na \u0160v\u00fdcarsko!)"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

\u0160v\u00fdcarsko. Pro na\u0161e politiky u\u017e t\u0159icet let posv\u00e1tn\u00fd gr\u00e1l. Ka\u017ed\u00e9 volby poslouch\u00e1me ty sam\u00e9 kecy o p\u0159\u00edm\u00e9 demokracii, referendech o ka\u017ed\u00e9m ps\u00edm exkrementu a sliby, \u017ee kdy\u017e budeme hodn\u00ed, budeme se m\u00edt jednou jako ve \u0160v\u00fdcarsku.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

No, \u0159eknu v\u00e1m to na rovinu: nasrat na to!<\/p>\n

Pokud m\u00e1 toti\u017e vrchol z\u00e1padn\u00ed civilizace vypadat tak, jak se ti tup\u00ed \u0161v\u00fdcar\u0161t\u00ed kokoti p\u0159edvedli ned\u00e1vno, rad\u011bji z\u016fstanu na divok\u00e9m V\u00fdchod\u011b.\u00a0Sv\u011btem toti\u017e prob\u011bhla zpr\u00e1va o sedmdes\u00e1tilet\u00e9 babi\u010dce<\/a>, kterou si po n\u00e1kupu v jednom \u0161v\u00fdcarsk\u00e9m supermarketu (s p\u0159\u00edzna\u010dn\u00fdm n\u00e1zvem\u00a0Migro\u0161<\/a>) po \u010dty\u0159ech m\u011bs\u00edc\u00edch p\u0159edvolali tamn\u00ed f\u00edzlov\u00e9. Jej\u00ed zlo\u010din? U samoobslu\u017en\u00e9 pokladny zapomn\u011bla naskenovat plastov\u00fd s\u00e1\u010dek v hodnot\u011b zhruba 1,30 K\u010d. Syst\u00e9m vyhodnotil odchylku, \u0159et\u011bzec nelenil a rozjela se st\u00e1tn\u00ed ma\u0161in\u00e9rie. Z roztr\u017eitosti u kasy ud\u011blali zkurven\u00ed f\u00edzlov\u00e9 krimin\u00e1ln\u00ed \u010din par excellence, b\u00e1b\u011b vzali otisky prst\u016f a zanesli do datab\u00e1ze zlo\u010dinc\u016f hned vedle sadistick\u00fdch vrah\u016f. B\u00e1ba musela zaplatit Hytlermarketu v\u00fdpaln\u00e9 300 \u0161v\u00fdcarsk\u00fdch frank\u016f a je\u0161t\u011b se pr\u00fd t\u011b\u0161ila, jak to bude m\u00edt za sebou.<\/p>\n

Kdyby ti \u0161v\u00fdcar\u0161t\u00ed kokoti opravdu tak ctili z\u00e1kon a po\u0159\u00e1dek, jak s oblibou vykl\u00e1daj\u00ed u toho jejich smradlav\u00e9ho s\u00fdrov\u00e9ho fondue, museli by v\u011bd\u011bt, \u017ee f\u00edzlov\u00e9 i prokuratura v tomto p\u0159\u00edpad\u011b hrub\u011b selhali. Z\u00e1kladem trestn\u00edho pr\u00e1va v civilizovan\u00e9m sv\u011bt\u011b je toti\u017e prok\u00e1z\u00e1n\u00ed \u00famyslu a zavin\u011bn\u00ed. Nedbalostn\u00ed zapomenut\u00ed s\u00e1\u010dku prost\u011b nem\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt kr\u00e1de\u017e\u00ed i kdyby tato byla definov\u00e1na bez ohledu na v\u00fd\u0161i \u0161kody. M\u00edsto toho tamn\u00ed f\u00edzlov\u00e9, placen\u00ed z dan\u00ed t\u00e9\u017ee \u0161ikanovan\u00e9 d\u00e1my, funguj\u00ed jako soukrom\u00e1 vymaha\u010dsk\u00e1 agentura buzen v \u010dern\u00e9m py\u017eamu pro nena\u017eran\u00e9 zmrdy v hytlermarketech. Ty toti\u017e pod pohr\u016f\u017ekou trestn\u00edho st\u00edh\u00e1n\u00ed nut\u00ed lidi na m\u00edst\u011b podepisovat absurdn\u00ed smluvn\u00ed pokuty. Tomu se v krimin\u00e1ln\u00ed hant\u00fdrce ne\u0159\u00edk\u00e1 spravedlnost, ale prachoby\u010dejn\u00e9 pred\u00e1torsk\u00e9 v\u00fdpaln\u00e9. Jak\u00e1 \u017ee je to trestn\u00ed kvalifikace? Podvod a vyd\u00edr\u00e1n\u00ed. Ale toho se v praxi mohou dopustit jen dezol\u00e1ti, jako vy, j\u00e1 nebo ona babi\u010dka. F\u00edzl\u00e1ck\u00e1 chamra\u010f nikdy.<\/p>\n

Nicm\u00e9n\u011b je to klasifikace daleko p\u0159il\u00e9hav\u011bj\u0161\u00ed ne\u017e \u201ekr\u00e1de\u017e igelitky\u201c. Bohu\u017eel, stejn\u00fdm zp\u016fsobem jako f\u00edzl\u00edci \u0161v\u00fdcar\u0161t\u00ed se \u010dasto emancipuj\u00ed i fizl\u00edci \u010de\u0161t\u00ed a tak\u00e9 fizl\u00edci m\u011bstap\u00e1\u010dt\u00ed. A bohu\u017eel m\u00e1me bu\u0159to\u017erouty, kter\u00fdm je to bu\u010f jedno a za\u010dnou kvi\u010det a\u017e kdy\u017e kladivo f\u00edzl\u00ed \u201espravedlnosti\u201c padne na n\u011b nebo se jim to dokonce l\u00edb\u00ed. Na\u0161i f\u00edzlov\u00e9, pravda, tu svoji emancipaci tak trochu upravili po \u010desku. Tak nap\u0159\u00edklad by byli schopni vy\u0161et\u0159ovat nejr\u016fzn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed absurdn\u00ed trestn\u00ed ozn\u00e1men\u00ed, ale kdy\u017e nap\u0159\u00edklad pan Thomas Paukner nahl\u00e1s\u00ed poru\u0161ov\u00e1n\u00ed pr\u00e1v k ochrann\u00e9 zn\u00e1mce, neud\u011blaj\u00ed nic. OK, vy\u0161et\u0159uje ta verbe\u017e f\u00fchrera B\u00e1bu za zneu\u017eit\u00ed dotac\u00ed z Brusele ve v\u00fd\u0161i 50 milion\u016f, ale pak se hodnov\u011brn\u011b dozv\u011bd\u00ed a dostanou ozn\u00e1men\u00ed, \u017ee pir\u00e1tsk\u00e1 chamra\u010f v Praze zpronev\u011b\u0159ila stovky milion\u016f p\u0159i manipulaci s ve\u0159ejn\u00fdmi zak\u00e1zkami na datov\u00e1 centra a je ticho po p\u011b\u0161in\u011b. Dozimetr se u\u017e taky nevy\u0161et\u0159uje od t\u00e9 doby, co si smradlav\u00fd zlod\u011bj Vykulenec vym\u011bnil policejn\u00edho prezidenta.<\/p>\n

A j\u00e1 se t\u00e1\u017eu: pro\u010d jim ten Metnar prost\u011b neud\u011bl\u00e1 po\u0159\u00e1dnej Ragnar\u00f6k?\u00a0 Po\u0159\u00e1dn\u011b v\u0161echny ty kurvy vyh\u00e1zet pro poru\u0161ov\u00e1n\u00ed \u00fakolu \u00fa\u0159edn\u00ed osoby \u2013 minim\u00e1ln\u011b z nedbalosti. A d\u00e1t si tam svoje lidi, jako to ud\u011blal zlod\u011bjskej smra\u010foch Vykulenec. Ono se zd\u00e1, \u017ee B\u00e1ba v\u016fbec nen\u00ed p\u00e1nem situace. No zat\u00edm se zd\u00e1, \u017ee na\u0161i f\u00edzlov\u00e9 se krom\u011b \u0161v\u00fdcarsk\u00e9ho modelu inspiruj\u00ed i t\u00edm rusk\u00fdm.\u00a0 Za chvilku u\u017e mezi \u010deskou a \u0161v\u00fdcarskou buzerac\u00ed nebude rozd\u00edl.<\/p>\n

Cel\u00e9 mi to a\u017e neuv\u011b\u0159iteln\u00fdm zp\u016fsobem p\u0159ipomn\u011blo jednu polozapomenutou knihu z roku 1926. Vladim\u00edr \u0160kutina tehdy pod pseudonymem Svatopluk \u010cech ml. vydal satiru\u00a0V\u00fdlet pana Brou\u010dka do XXI. stolet\u00ed<\/em>. Zest\u00e1rl\u00fd, malom\u011b\u0161\u0165\u00e1ck\u00fd a spo\u0159iv\u00fd pan Brou\u010dek se v n\u00ed ocitne v budoucnosti a zaplete se do absurdn\u00edho vy\u0161et\u0159ov\u00e1n\u00ed zlo\u010dinu, kde hlavn\u00ed roli hraje byrokratick\u00e1 \u0161koda v hodnot\u011b p\u0159esn\u011b 8 korun. \u0160kutina byl vizion\u00e1\u0159. Jeho prediktivn\u00ed model funguje stoprocentn\u011b. Jsem si naprosto jist\u00fd, \u017ee kdy\u017e tenkr\u00e1t o t\u00e9 osmikorunov\u00e9 buzeraci psal, nemyslel pouze Prahu. M\u011bl na mysli hlavn\u011b \u0160v\u00fdcarsko a myslel to smrteln\u011b v\u00e1\u017en\u011b.<\/p>\n

Nejv\u011bt\u0161\u00ed prdel je, \u017ee \u0160v\u00fdca\u0159i se u toho v\u0161eho tv\u00e1\u0159\u00ed jako mor\u00e1ln\u00ed maj\u00e1ky lidstva. P\u0159itom ofici\u00e1ln\u00ed statistiky finan\u010dn\u00edch institut\u016f (jako\u00a0Moneyland.ch<\/a>) ukazuj\u00ed, \u017ee sami p\u0159itom kradou jako modr\u00e9 straky. Cel\u00e1 polovina dosp\u011bl\u00fdch \u0160v\u00fdcar\u016f p\u0159izn\u00e1v\u00e1, \u017ee v supermarketu nebo v pr\u00e1ci v\u011bdom\u011b n\u011bco \u0161lohli. V tom se od \u010desk\u00e9 reality vlastn\u011b v\u016fbec neli\u0161\u00ed. Li\u0161\u00ed se jen v tom, \u017ee zavedli syst\u00e9m \u201epokuti\u010dek se slevou\u201c \u2013 amor\u00e1ln\u00ed byznys, kter\u00fdm si korporace hoj\u00ed ztr\u00e1ty na slu\u0161n\u00fdch lidech, co nemaj\u00ed dost odvahy, aby t\u011bm parazit\u016fm v oblec\u00edch uk\u00e1zali, za\u010d je toho loket.<\/p>\n

Ta jejich pot\u0159eba vyvy\u0161ovat se nad zbytkem Evropy je mi up\u0159\u00edmn\u011b k sm\u00edchu. P\u0159ipom\u00edn\u00e1 mi to prad\u00e1vnou historku, kdy\u017e jsme kdysi jeli autobusem na ly\u017ee do Rakouska. Byla pozdn\u00ed noc, pr\u00e1zdn\u00e9 parkovi\u0161t\u011b u motorestu Old Timer n\u011bkde na d\u00e1lnici A2 v\u00a0Doln\u00edch Rakous\u00edch, nikde ani noha. N\u00e1\u0161 \u0159idi\u010d to s\u00a0na\u0161\u00ed starou Karosou logicky p\u00edchl co nejbl\u00ed\u017e ke vchodu p\u0159es n\u011bkolik parkovac\u00edch m\u00edst, abychom venku nezmrzli. Vedle st\u00e1l osamocen\u00fd Mercedes, ze kter\u00e9ho vylezl postar\u0161\u00ed \u0161v\u00fdcarsk\u00fd p\u00e1r. Jakmile ta b\u00e1ba uvid\u011bla n\u00e1\u0161 \u010desk\u00fd autobus, nahodila tak kysel\u00fd ksicht, \u017ee by se vedle n\u00ed srazilo i alpsk\u00e9 ml\u00e9ko, a s pohrd\u00e1n\u00edm zasy\u010dela:\u00a0\u201eNa ja, Tschechischen!\u201c<\/em>\u00a0Jako bychom byli horda krimin\u00e1ln\u00edk\u016f, co barbarsky nerespektuje posv\u00e1tn\u00e9 b\u00edl\u00e9 \u010d\u00e1ry na asfaltu. Samoz\u0159ejm\u011b jsme se jim s chut\u00ed vysm\u00e1li do o\u010d\u00ed. \u0160koda, \u017ee jsme jim tenkr\u00e1t ten jejich Mercedes nepochcali a korunou (tedy pardon eurovou minc\u00ed) jim na zadn\u00ed kapotu nevyryli: \u201eNa ja,\u00a0<\/em>die Schweizer!<\/em>\u201c<\/p>\n

Tihle \u0161v\u00fdcar\u0161t\u00ed nadut\u00ed kokoti maj\u00ed toti\u017e stra\u0161n\u011b kr\u00e1tkou pam\u011b\u0165. Zapom\u00ednaj\u00ed, \u017ee se vyvy\u0161uj\u00ed jen proto, \u017ee jejich slavn\u00fd st\u00e1tn\u00ed blahobyt nestoj\u00ed na jejich genialit\u011b, ale na tom, \u017ee za druh\u00e9 sv\u011btov\u00e9 v\u00e1lky dok\u00e1zali tak \u00fasp\u011b\u0161n\u011b a bezp\u00e1te\u0159n\u011b okr\u00e1st \u017eidy o jejich zlato a majetky ukryt\u00e9 ve \u0161v\u00fdcarsk\u00fdch bank\u00e1ch. To se to pak buduje mor\u00e1ln\u00ed nad\u0159azenost, kdy\u017e sed\u00edte na hromad\u011b ciz\u00edho bohatstv\u00ed a hl\u00edd\u00e1te si prav\u00edtkem parkovac\u00ed \u010d\u00e1ry.<\/p>\n

Z\u00e1v\u011br je jasn\u00fd. \u0160v\u00fdcarsko m\u00e1 sice dechberouc\u00ed p\u0159\u00edrodn\u00ed scen\u00e9rie a ty Alpy nepochybn\u011b stoj\u00ed za vid\u011bn\u00ed. Ale do t\u00e9hle zasran\u00e9 zem\u011b pln\u00e9 upjat\u00fdch, pokryteck\u00fdch zmrd\u016f a p\u0159edra\u017een\u00fdch slu\u017eeb bych v \u017eivot\u011b dobrovoln\u011b nejel. A vzhledem k tomu, jak se ti nadut\u00ed kokoti tv\u00e1\u0159ili na na\u0161i Karosu, oni by m\u011b tam asi taky necht\u011bli. Tak\u017ee je to vlastn\u011b ide\u00e1ln\u00ed win-win situace.<\/p>\n

Challenger<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u0160v\u00fdcarsko. Pro na\u0161e politiky u\u017e t\u0159icet let posv\u00e1tn\u00fd gr\u00e1l. Ka\u017ed\u00e9 volby poslouch\u00e1me ty sam\u00e9 kecy…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":25775,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6],"tags":[1503,7116,2170],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/115932"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=115932"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/115932\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25775"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=115932"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=115932"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.infokuryr.cz\/n\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=115932"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}